I have asked myself a few times in this postpartum era: will things go back to their place after a few months? Will I ever have my career back? Will I ever get to do the things I once loved before? There are moments in my slow life now that these thoughts run in my mind. It’s always there at the back of my mind if I would ever get to find myself back after this childbirth?
Although I dreamed of being in this role in my singlehood, this season has actually made me long for the past prior to this responsibility. I tend to ponder a lot about why this motherhood is harder than it was. Why it’s changing me to a great extent—physically, mentally, emotionally etc. I’m drowning in these kinds of thoughts and trying to figure out at the same time the answers that somehow would cheer me up. It’s not that I am unhappy with giving birth to our child but it’s this part of me where transition is taking a toll on my whole being. It’s this phase where I am making amends to what’s my reality now and what I actually put on my expectations. I love being a mother to our child, but I loathe the instability that comes with.
I don’t know if it’s only me or there are other moms who feel this way too. Nonetheless, motherhood is beautiful and challenging at the same time. Despite this truth about it, in a year of postpartum I found myself more at peace. The key is acceptance and gratitude. Well, it isn’t an easy peasy thing to do but it is doable. Accepting the reality, my reality now, and being grateful to what I have now, makes all the difference. I learn to accept gradually that this is my now—this is my season, this is my responsibility, this is the very calling God has planned for me, this is His perfect timing for my life. Then gratitude follows. I’m grateful that this is how God answers our prayers, and that He is with us providing and guiding. It may not be the way I expect it to be but this is the way God has prepared it to be. And He sustains and we know for sure that we won’t be lacking, we have what exactly we need right now. Hence, with this mindset I was able to ride along the journey more at peace and delight.
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.” Isaiah 66:13 NIV
Did I find all the answers to my whys? Actually, no. I’m still waiting for the answers. If it gets to be answered then I’m thankful, if not then I’ll have it as it is. For now motherhood has greatly taught me to focus on what’s now. I’d rather be present on my season now than overthink on the could’ve beens. And this living in the present has well led me to what truly matters. And what truly matters now has led me to being more authentic to myself. And being true to myself has led me to who I am, who I am after childbirth.
The answer is I am who I am after childbirth. Nothing extravagant but a momma who is called to look after this family that me and my husband is building. I’ve never been more fulfilled than at a time like this—to be a wife and a mother.
It may not be the way I expect it to be but this is the way God has prepared it to be. And He sustains and we know for sure that we won’t be lacking, we have what exactly we need right now. Hence, with this mindset I was able to ride along the journey more at peace and delight.
May these verses from the Bible will comfort you at times of having questions about your season now as a mom:
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done,and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. “ Proverbs 31: 25-31
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