We’re excited to introduce our guest contributor, Adylenn!
Adylenn is a young adult who is combining her way through life. She mainly writes about life and the pros and cons of living with herself and other human beings. As she grieves losing and partakes in the joyous beginnings, she still finds a way back to herself. Thus, she hopes you do too.
This is her first blog entry that explores the liberating act of giving yourself grace, especially when you’re still on the path of self-discovery.
The people close to me know me as an introvert, a shy person, and someone who conserves energy. But who would’ve thought I would take up a job as a Front Desk Associate?
For the latter half of 2024, I was the calmest and most chaotic. I was unemployed, immovable, and always looking at the ceiling in a trance. “Can I finally finish something today?” I feel my voice urging and pushing me to get up. And it continued with question after question. The only pause I got from the provocations was inside the four corners of my room with my phone as my light source. So, I ask myself again, “Maybe I need rest? Some mental rest?” The day starts with a thought and ends with empty promises.
Crossing by The Seconds
I did have a job for the first half of 2024, but it made me question if I still wanted that line of work — if I still wanted to write. I began second-guessing and doubting myself.
I was once a driven human being. Like most people, I had goals and ambitions and was confident I would succeed regardless of where it would take me. Even then, question marks crept up on my mind and manifested in my life. I was having an existential crisis and became stagnant in my chosen career. So, I asked questions, had an internal monologue, and even looked at myself in the mirror.
But I thought, perhaps I was brought to this point to progress on questions — how my future decisions might depend on multiple question marks. But I’ve always wondered what the right one was. Which question would point to the path I am destined to walk on?
The fear of tomorrow planted itself at my core and it felt like no one could understand me. There was peer pressure, expectations from family members, and the blank slate of my future staring back at me.
Was there something worth saving about me at this point? Every second felt like a quicksand.
So, it dawned on me that whatever journey I took in 2024 pushed me far into a corner with my back against the wall; there was no crack to push through, no left and right to turn to. There was only going back to square one, and that was to step back and look at the directions present in every decision.
And I did. Thus, Ms. Reality loomed over me, “What now?”
Then, I Found Grace
I wanted to skip into the future and take a peak. Moreover, to question the future version of myself and how I managed to reach whatever state I might be in. Which path should I turn to? Looking around me, I was searching for a sign. It could be angel numbers, phrases, and even divine intervention from someone near me or a stranger. I would gladly take anything.
Ms. Reality interfered, “Uncertainty is present anywhere, anytime, and to everyone.” But someone said, “Stop. You might hurt yourself, or you might trip and fall back again.”
It was Grace. She is elegant, calm and peaceful. Grace was quiet and patient. Grace did not concern herself with the trail of questions behind me.
So, I decided. I said yes and I supported my decision.
I said yes to the unpredictable tomorrow by leaping now. And I took Grace with me.
Do it all without a plan, at least for now.
Now, I conclude. Take that gig, grab that opportunity, and perhaps study again. Do it all without a plan, at least for now. On navigating my way through the crowd’s noise, I am happily hopeful I will unravel the purpose of my abilities and alas, I will figure things out.
With grace, I am determined to anticipate what the future can offer. The only question now is, what can tomorrow bring to my table?
With grace, I am determined to anticipate what the future can offer. The only question now is, what can tomorrow bring to my table?
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